One Year
by The Half Mad Muggle
Summary: One year in the lives of Severus Snape and Harry Potter. SS/HP.


**One Year**

_My Muggle has been signed off work from stress and illness - which means **I** have been stuck with the...pleasure...of her company this week. And the sneezing, coughing and constant headaches. As well as the deluge of bloody Meat Loaf, and I don't mean the food. If she tries to get me in tight black trousers, crisp white shirt and holding her electric guitar one more time, I will curse her._

_She also wrote this. I had **nothing** to do with this - absolutely nothing._

_...Not now, Harry, I'm busy writ...*pause*...oh, well, if you put it like **that**...*pause*...give me two minutes..._

_Where was I? Oh yes. Nothing to do with this. Nothing at all..._

_It's dedicated to my Harry and her best friend. ENOUGH WITH THE MEAT LOAF! _

_~ SS_

* * *

**JANUARY:**

"Happy birthday, Severus."

He stopped in the corridor. Turned on his heel, and stared at Harry Potter. "Pardon, Potter?"

"I said happy birthday. It is your birthday, is it not?" The green eyed Boy-Who-Saved-The-Wizarding-World-Bloody-Again-And-Was-Still-Alive looked back, innocent and young yet changed and aged beyond his years. His Gryffindor tie was absent - this was, after all, a Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher. It wasn't worth provoking Severus into a discussion about this - that Harry Potter at age EIGHTEEN was the newest member of the teaching staff. And here was said Harry Potter wishing him a happy birthday. How did he even know?

"Minerva told me. Thirty nine years old."

Severus had been caught rather unaware by this entire conversation, hence the inability to respond. He was trying to pretend that, even after all this time, Potter was not worth his concentration. But instead, he was surprised. And not unpleasantly surprised. This was positively surprised. As in. Potter seemed interested in him.

"I..."

"You could just say thank you, Severus." Harry Potter smiled. Funny how his eyes changed when he smiled. Brighter. Softer. Irrelevant thoughts, Severus. "Yes. Thank you. You are correct. It is my birthday, not that I choose to celebrate it."

"Here is your card." Harry offered him an envelope with his name on it. "Birthday card. It is not a trap. Just a card." Harry put the card into Severus' hand and nodded. "Enjoy your day, Severus. I must attend class." And he walked away.

Severus watched after him, remembering perhaps five minutes too late that he should have showed some gratitude. He put the card into his pocket and headed for his quarters. There was a strange feeling in his chest that he could not identity and thus was not sure he liked. Almost...nervous? How could he be nervous to open a piece of paper? He put the card down on his desk and stoically ignored it for an hour. He never received birthday cards. This was not special.

He was not going to open it.

He was NOT going to open it.

The Boy-Who-Lived was insufferable. He was mediocrely talented, not particularly skilled and had survived off of luck and other peoples' sacrifices, including Severus himself. Fingers worried his collar and the scars that lay beneath. Other people had been willing to die for the Boy-Who-Lived. Because they had to. Not because they had wanted to.

He was not going to open the card...

He warned himself in a low murmur. Snape. Don't you dare...

The card was, for all intents and purposes, subdued. It had a bottle of red wine design - he did like red wine - and just the words "happy birthday". Inside was Harry Potter's scrawling sprawling handwriting, wishing Severus all the best. From "Harry". And a post script, which thanked Severus for saving his life.

"P.S. Thank you for saving my life."

"saving my life"

Severus contemplated these words. Why was Potter thanking him? It was just something Severus had had to do, to protect the Wizarding World, to save the Greater Good. It was nothing to do with Harry Potter, exclusively. Not really. Not that his whole life had been dedicated to protecting the other, or anything remotely similar. Of course not.

He put the card on his mantlepiece. So he could see it, wherever he was in the room.

How sentimental.

* * *

**FEBRUARY**:

"Mr Potter." His voice was quiet. "I thought I could ask a favour of you."

Those green eyes watched him with a hint of surprise. "A favour?"

"Indeed." It had taken him a long time to do this, and he was determined to see it through. "I have been given the unhappy task of accompanying the students to Hogsmeade next weekend, thanks to our Headmistress. I assume you are aware of what next weekend's date is?"

Harry nodded. "Valentine's Day. I can see why you need the moral support, Severus."

"...Pardon?"

"You'd like me to come with you to Hogsmeade, to control the hormone ridden unruly students who will be around every corner. I have no other plans, so I am quite happy to undertake such a task with you." Harry smiled. "I am honoured, Severus."

Something in his tone made Severus ruffle. "You were the only member of staff available - as far as I am aware. Do not let it go to your already inflated head, Potter."

Harry simply nodded. If he was hurt by Severus' words, he did not show it. "I shall meet you by the carriages. Good day to you, Severus."

It hadn't been Severus' intention to hurt the other.

He stood in the staffroom for a long while. Minerva joined him. "Did I hear you ranting about Hogsmeade duties, Severus? Pomona and Rolanda are available to accompany you, should you so desire the strength in numbers approach."

Severus barely offered her a second glance. "I will be fine, thank you, Minerva."

* * *

**MARCH**:

"Very clever, Mr Potter. That ploy. I would call it genius, but no Gryffindor could achieve such a feat."

"Tell me, Severus. Do you always result to insults when you feel threatened? Or is it when you are feeling vulnerable?" Harry was triumphant. Severus' dark eyes flickered to his green gaze. "Vulnerable, Potter?"

"My knight is about to take your queen and leave you vastly underpowered. I believe vulnerable is the correct term."

Severus returned his eyes to the board quickly. Yes, the game of chess that they were playing. Harry Potter had learnt well from his friend Weasley. Not that he felt vulnerable for any other reasons. No, of course not. Not that they were sat in his office very late at night with a half consumed bottle of wine. Definitely not. Not that Harry Potter had unbuttoned the top of his collar and had rolled his sleeves up and taken his socks off, and not that the candlelight was bouncing off his pale, perfect skin, and certainly not that his lips were parted in thought when he considered the -

STOP.

Severus had to stop this. The boy was eighteen. He was barely an adult. The fact he was so much more mature than any eighteen year old could hope to be, was irrelevant. Severus exhaled with incredible difficulty. Harry looked up at him, and he was concerned - why did he have to be concerned - when had they gone from bitter enemies to - to - to this? "Severus? It's just a game..."

"I have a headache." Severus growled out in a pathetic excuse of a lie.

"Would you like to rest?" Harry offered.

"Yes. I need to rest." He stood. "My apologies, Potter, for cutting the game short. We shall continue it another time."

"Some other time." Harry echoed. He nodded. "Good night, Severus."

"Good night, H-" Almost a slip. "Good night, Potter."

* * *

**APRIL**:

Astronomy Tower. Dusk. The sun was setting. The breeze was warm. Two hands were wrapped around the bars of the balcony, staring out into the forest, thoughts distracted.

"Professor Dumbledore said that you would be here." A voice, behind him. "He said you always come here when you need to think, or you feel scared or threatened. Or all three." His words were spoken so softly, so gently, they could melt ice. The ice in his heart. "Did I do something wrong, Severus? I am sorry if I did."

No. Harry had done nothing wrong.

Severus had.

He turned. "Mr Potter. The indiscretion was mine. I should not have touched you."

"You were only healing my injury, Severus, as I would ask of any other person possessed of such an ability. I thought nothing further of it."

Funny, how the Boy-Who-Cannot-Lie's eyes say different. "If you are sure." His tone sounded empty. He did not know why.

Harry Potter took a step toward him. "Did you think your touch meant something else?"

That was not the precise question he should have been asking. Severus straightened his back. "It has not been construed in any other way so the answer is irrelevant." He moved to leave. Harry moved to, to stop him. They were in close proximity. Too close. So close. Harry had to speak in only a murmur. "Did you want it to mean something else?"

That was the question. His heart rate had increased. He fought to stay in control. Why was emotional balance so hard to maintained in front of Harry Potter?

"Because I wanted it to mean something else." Harry Potter leaned up, then. He rested a hand on Severus' chest. Severus did not pull away. Harry kept a hold of those black eyes for one moment more, before brushing his lips against Severus'.

And there, on the Astronomy Tower, they kissed.

* * *

**MAY**:

"You know, we never finished that chess game."

"You think of the strangest things, Potter, especially mid copulation." Severus murmured against the hollow of Harry's stomach.

"Is that what we're doing? 'Copulation'?" Harry mocked Severus' tone. Severus smirked, left a lingering kiss on pale skin and glanced up at him. "What would you call it?"

"We are on a sofa in the staff room hoping no one discovers us. Shagging like randy teenagers is what I would call it." He shivered under Severus' talented touch, bringing fingers up to stroke black strands of hair. Severus allowed this 'petting' only in the bedroom.

Or the staffroom.

Or the Potions cupboard.

Or the Astronomy Tower.

Or wherever else they happened to find themselves...

"Shagging like randy teenagers, you say? That goes for one of us, indeed, Mr Potter." Severus sat up, straddling the Boy-Who-Knows-How-To-Kiss-By-Salazar-Indeed's hips and legs beneath him. "Not all of us are so lucky."

Harry's tone gained that softness he realised was reserved only for him. "You are not old, Severus. Stop thinking in such a way."

With tenderness he did not know he possessed, Severus brushed hair back from Harry's eyes. "I almost believe it when it comes from you."

"Then let me show you." Harry pleaded, reaching up and trying to undo Severus' shirt. Immediately, Severus tensed and drew back, "No."

"Severus. What are you so afraid of? Let me see - " His fingers grew more insistent and Severus' voice grew more desperately firm, "No!" He stood, knees shaking beneath his robes, shaking his head.

"For Godric's sake, Severus! We are supposed to be lovers - yet you will not show yourself to me - what is the problem?"

"We are NOT lovers."

"Then what is this, Snape?" Pure anger filtered into Harry's words. Severus responded with the same anger, "Just sex."

Harry flinched. Visibly. He stood. He shook his head. "This is not sex."

Severus raised an eyebrow, trying to mock, trying to hide his weeping heart, "Then what is it, Potter, enlighten me."

Harry stared at him for a very long, very agonising moment. He said only one word. "Over." Then he was gone.

And Severus was stood, staring after him, fingers trembling. "Harry..."

But Harry Potter did not hear. Or if he did, he did not look back.

* * *

**JUNE**:

"I'm sorry."

Twenty four days, twenty three nights, too much time, too long, stupid, stupid time. All because of his stupid words.

Harry stared at him. He said nothing.

"I...I did not..." The words were hard. He struggled to say each one, not because he did not wish to say them, but because there was a terrible lump in his throat and his eyes were burning and he didn't know how to cope. "I did not mean...I was angry..."

"At?" Harry prompted. Harry, sat behind his desk, marking. Harry, whose face was an indifferent mask and whose eyes were shuttered, whose emotions were hidden.

"Me. Myself. For being...for thinking..." He was struggling. This was a mistake. Harry would not forgive him. Severus should simply hide himself away, as he always did. That was the right thing to do. No one could love him because he was a stupid, arrogant fool, he was a coward, he was dark and everyone else was light - why hadn't he been allowed to die in the war? Why couldn't he have that freedom?

"Severus. I am not angry. Hurt, yes. But I think I understand."

...Understand?

Harry rose and crossed to the other side of the desk, where Severus was stood. It took most of Severus' willpower not to flinch away. He tried to hold those eyes, but found he could not.

"I still care for you, Severus. That would not stop, no matter what you said. I admit, the fact you cannot trust me hurts me. But. I am willing to earn that trust. If you will, in time, give it."

This was more than Severus deserved, so much more. He swallowed, and had no words. Harry nodded and patted his chest. "You look exhausted, you should sleep."

"Undo it." He said, voice rough. Harry stared at him, "Pardon?"

"My shirt. Undo it."

"I don't..." Harry paused, "Understand."

"You understand me perfectly, Potter, for it is a perfectly clear and simple instruction. Undo. My. Shirt." He was shaking, trembling in fact, afraid and terrified and scared and frightened and so very vulnerable - his stomach was churning, his heart was pounding and he knew there was sweat trickling down his back - but - but - he could do this - he would let Potter see. It was freedom for Harry, Harry would see how disgusting Severus was, and then he would stop loving him, and Harry could look to the future and Severus could crawl into the past.

Harry's fingers were gentle and careful. He slowly exposed Severus' skin to the light.

And with that, the scars.

He waited for the revulsion. He waited for the rejection. He waited for the disgust.

Instead, he received something far different.

Fingertips traced each scar.

Green eyes fixed on his.

"I love you."

* * *

**JULY**:

"You have covered my chest in candy floss, Potter."

"So I have, Severus." Mouth full. With candy floss tainted with the taste of Severus Snape.

"It is pink and sticky."

"It is also very sweet and complements you perfectly, snarky Potions Master. Now be quiet, I am trying to concentrate." His touch was gentle, his kisses tender, and Severus Snape knew himself to be addicted. Not to the kisses or the touch. No. He was addicted to Harry Potter. Utterly, completely. Addicted to the Boy-Who-Lived and all that he had to offer Severus, and all that he did offer, all that he would always offer. That he loved Severus for who he was. That he was all Severus had been dreaming of.

He watched his lover, amused. "Potter, concentrate? On what?"

Harry did not answer with words. His next movement drew a low moaning growl from his surprised and aroused Severus, a sound the other was all too willing to concede. Harry grinned a pink, sticky, candy floss grin at the older man, "Are we enjoying ourselves, Severus?"

"I...yes..."

"Tell me you love me, and I shall do such an action again."

"Blackmail, now?"

Harry laughed at the humour in Severus' tone, kissing his swollen lips and nodding, "I am learning from you, Slytherin."

"If I tell you that, you will continue to suck and lick candy floss from my chest knowing precisely what it does to my...ah...hunger?"

"You understand correctly, Severus." His kisses became more pronounced as they worked their way back down Severus' chest and paused by his waist band.

"What then, would you do, if I asked you to marry me?"

...

Harry raised his head. His eyes were suddenly serious. "What?"

Severus held that gaze. "If I asked you to marry me. What would you do? Would you kiss me again?"

"Why would you want to marry me?"

"Because I'm in love with you."

"If you asked me to marry you, would I kiss you in return?"

"That was my initial question, yes."

"Are you asking?"

"Depends on what you would do."

Silence between them.

Severus did not back down.

Harry did not answer.

Until.

"I'd say yes. Are you asking?"

"Will you marry me, Potter? Would you do me that honour?"

"Yes, Severus, I will."

"Now will you kiss me?"

"And never stop."

* * *

**AUGUST**:

"Where is he?"

"Severus, he's fine. He will be fine, he's just a little -"

"Poppy, I do not care for your opinion, I wish to see him myself. Where is Potter?" Severus was angry. Fuming. Furious. Raging. "Where?" He asked. Demanded.

Poppy pointed, "Room at the end. But Severus, he will be -"

"Thank you, Poppy." The whirlwind of black and white robes and Potion Master stormed into the room at the end and closed the door. "What in Salazar's name were you THINKING? How could you be so stupid? What if they hadn't found you? What then, what would have happened to you? Why do you have to take so many STUPID risks? Has it ever occurred to you that I WORRY for my fiance? That I love you? That if I were to lose you, I do not know what I would do? And you galavant off, undertake these STUPID missions - how could you do this, Potter? Do you have ANY idea how worried I was? What if you had been KILLED? What then? I RISKED MY LIFE FOR YOU, I could have died for you, and I gave you my heart - AND THIS is how you REPAY ME?" He paused for breath, "You told me you loved me - THEN PROVE IT. Give up these stupid missions so I can sleep easily at night, so I do not have to contemplate attending your FUNERAL rather than our WEDDING."

Harry smiled. "Severus. I'm fine. I am just a little bruised." He held out a hand to his lover. "Come and sit with me, and let me show you."

Severus folded his arms into his cloak and struggled to regain control of his breathing. "Don't do it to me, Potter, please. I cannot...not you, too."

Green eyes softened. "I am not leaving you. Please. Come and sit."

Severus needed to be with Harry.

He pushed through the crowd of stunned Weasleys and other well wishers, and glared at them, "What?"

Harry grinned and whispered, "I think you just made our relationship public."

Severus looked from Harry to the shocked faces, and then back to Harry. "Fine. Then I have no qualms about kissing you senseless in front of them, as a punishment for you leaving and them being so bloody nosy."

And so he did.

* * *

**SEPTEMBER**:

"Severus..."

Arms wrapped around his waist and a kiss was pressed to the side of his neck. "I'm sorry."

Severus tried to deny that his shoulders were shaking. But for once, he desperately needed his lover. He turned and pulled Harry into his embrace, hiding his eyes out of sight. Harry held him tighter, swaying slightly where they stood, humming gently beneath his breath. "He was a friend of yours. I know how you feel."

"I should not care this much. He was a Death-Eater."

Harry stroked his lover's hair. "Severus. Shush. You are allowed to grieve for Lucius."

Something that was definitely not a sob shook Harry's shirt. "I should have seen it coming. He was...I should have stopped it, I should have helped him..."

"You owed him nothing, Severus. He was too far gone. Listen to me. Would you like to go to his funeral?"

Blurred, tired black eyes glanced up at him. Severus nodded.

"Would you like me to come?"

The idea of having Harry there to hold his hand was a wonderfully comforting thought. But Severus also knew it would be inappropriate. "As long as you are here waiting for me when I get home, I should be able to handle the funeral. I will only go for the..." He trailed off. He closed his eyes and tears slipped down his long nose and into his robes. Harry had never seen Severus like this. He sat him down, and let Severus wrap arms around himself and shiver in the cold. "Let it out."

"Let what out?' Severus managed to spit.

"All that you have been holding in since the end of the war. No one has ever seen you cry, Severus. Let it out."

Severus stared at him. "I can't. I don't know if I will stop."

"Trust me." Harry whispered. "In the end, it stops." He gathered Severus back into his arms. "Let it go." He rocked him back and forth slowly as Severus fought his own internal battle - the conflict - between letting his mask go and remaining ever hidden.

But something had changed, since falling in love with Harry. He wanted to let go of the past and face the future.

So he cried. He cried for Lily. He cried for Albus. He cried for those he had lost. He cried for those who had lost others around them. He cried for the war, and for the death, and for the destruction. He cried for himself and all that he had suffered.

And when his sobs had dissolved into whimpering moans against Harry's chest, and Harry's shoulder was sodden with tears and mucus and other such things, and when Harry was simply holding him together, he started to calm.

He felt raw. But he felt better.

He raised his head, and Harry instantly claimed wet lips in a kiss to reassure him. And the final tears that were shed were tears of happiness, of a second chance.

* * *

**OCTOBER**:

Halloween. Harry was sat alone by the fireplace, staring into the flames. He had been quiet for much of the evening. Severus watched him from the doorway to the bedroom, heart hurting. He wanted to comfort his lover. He wanted to know what to say. But he wasn't sure...

He returned to the bed and looked under it for a book that was covered in dust and older than Harry himself. Sitting cross legged beside Harry, he rested the book in his lap. "Your mother and father. When they were younger. Have a look."

With trembling fingers, Harry silently looked through the photographs. Severus did not interrupt him. He simply sat, one hand resting on Harry's knee. These were intimate moments for Harry, and he would not disturb. When Harry was ready, he would ask the questions himself.

And finally, as he stared at the picture of his mother, laughing, happy, smiling, such a beautiful photograph, he murmured, "Would she be proud? Of me?"

Severus wrapped an arm around Harry's shoulders and pulled him close. "Most definitely. You are quite an astounding young man, Potter."

Harry stroked the photograph. "I wish she could see me now."

"She can. Of course she can. I know she'd be smiling."

Harry looked at him through Lily's eyes, "For both of us?"

"For both of us." Severus agreed. "Come away from the fire. Let's make Halloween a better time, with some new traditions, rather than us mourning things we cannot replace." He stood and held out a hand for Harry. "Come to Hogsmeade with me. We can have a drink and celebrate them. Just this one night."

Harry took the hand and pulled himself to his feet. He wrapped his arms around Severus' neck and kissed him gently. "Thank you."

"No more thanks. We found each other. No more thanks needed."

* * *

**NOVEMBER**:

They lay together upon the hill, staring up into the clear sky. There were explosions of light and colour every minute, accompanied with bangs and crashes and whistles. Severus could feel his breath taken away with each firework, eyes stinging at their beauty, and the warmth of Harry lying beside him.

Their hands were entwined upon the blanket and their hair was mingling in the light wind. Harry shifted closer and curled into Severus as they watched.

"They're beautiful."

"Indeed they are, Mr Potter. Very beautiful indeed."

"Do you do this every year?"

"I try to. I have watched fireworks since I was a child."

"I remember them too. Watching from the window. I've never seen them so close, before. Like you can reach out and touch them."

Severus nodded. "Such a simple pleasure."

"A little like this." Harry sat up and brushed Severus' hair back from his eyes and kissed his forehead lightly. Sensing the change in the conversation's direction, Severus nodded and moved to wrap arms around Harry, pulling him comfortably on top of his chest.

He could no longer see the fireworks.

But as their lips met and their eyes closed he did not really mind. He could see fireworks of their own.

* * *

**DECEMBER**:

"I thought you were not going to arrive, then. Thought you might have had a better offer."

"Well, I did think about it, but then I realised I had nothing better to do on a Sunday morning, Mr Potter."

"So just thought you'd come on a whim?"

"Indeed. Shush now. Time to concentrate."

"Concentrate, me? I mean. Yes. I, Harry James Potter, take you, Severus Tobias Snape, to be my partner in heart, mind, body and soul. I vow to love and cherish you, honour and protect you, in richer and in poorer - through sickness and health - until death do we part. I promise to remain true to you, to listen to you, and to respect you."

"Beautifully spoken, Mr Potter."

"It's your turn, now."

"Is it really? Well, perhaps I chose different vows."

"You wrote your own?"

"I have been looking for you my entire life. And now, now that I am gifted the honour of having you, I will protect you until the end of my days. I will respect you and honour you and cherish you for all that you are and will be to me. You will want for nothing, for it is yours to have. I will always love you, no matter where our paths lead. For I am yours, and you are mine."

"Say it."

"Patience, Mr Potter."

"Please, I have waited so long to hear you..."

"I, Severus Tobias Snape, promise to love you...Harry...James Potter, until death, do we part."

"May I kiss my husband now?"

"Manners, Harry Snape."

"Shut up, Severus Potter."

* * *

**JANUARY**:

"Happy fortieth birthday, Severus."

"Shut up, brat."

They lay curled in bed together, in each other's arms, in each other's hearts, entwined and embraced and converged. There was no way of telling where one ended and the other began, so close were they. The blankets were soft and the pillows were deep and they were warm and happy and content.

Harry moved so his head was resting on Severus' chest and his eyes were closed. Severus lazily stroked his hair and rested one hand on the small of his back. This bliss, this was perfect. Everything was so very perfect.

Harry smiled up at him, "What are you thinking about, with such a lovely smile upon your face?"

He shook his head, "I was just wondering what I did to deserve this. You."

Harry contemplated this. "Is it a matter of deserving? Are we not just lovers who have found each other, through trial and toil and loss? Our paths, together, at last?"

"When did you become so wise and mature, Harry?"

"When I started listening to you."

"Really? You listen to me?"

"Sometimes." Harry laughed and moved so their noses were touching. "I especially listen when you are begging me to touch you."

"Insatiable appetite, too. You have to remember we are not all randy teenagers. I need more time to recover."

"Or at least, parts of you." Harry grinned and dodged the fake smack. He returned his head to its living and breathing pillow. "I love you, Severus."

"I love you too, Harry."

Harry smiled, and Severus did too.

He lay there, with his lover in his arms, and he thought, this could not be real.

This had to be some form of heaven.

Heaven, indeed.

* * *

**JANUARY**:

"Happy fortieth birthday, Severus."

Harry knelt by the grave and stroked the headstone tenderly, eyes cast down. He exhaled and rubbed his eyes. So much had changed in two years. Yet others remained the same.

And the love he had for Severus Snape had not waned.

He had never been able to say. He had never been able to explain. He had never been able to thank him.

Or wish him a happy birthday.

The grief did not disappear. It came in waves. Sometimes, he hated the world. Other times, he realised it was acceptable, that somewhere, Severus Snape was happy, and that should be enough for him.

Other times...oh, other times, like today, he wished he had been granted one opportunity to kiss him, other than in his dreams. But it was not to be, because Severus had died in the Shrieking Shack to protect Harry.

And Harry had lost his first love.

"I hope you are happy, Severus. Wherever you are. Please be happy."

He left the grave with the single long stemmed red rose, anonymous, so no one knew. No one ever knew.

No one would ever know that he loved Severus Snape.

Just as Harry would never know he was loved by that same man in return.


End file.
